Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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