Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
