Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize