a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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