I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
