I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
