Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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