Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
