I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
