It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
