She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
