Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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