The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
