Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
