The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
