John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
