ya dads aren't the best wingmen
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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