Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
