It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Floor bacon is actually really good
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
