If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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