id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
