i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
