just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
