I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
