and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
