Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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