I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
