If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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