Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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