Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
