sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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