what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
