The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
