Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
