Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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