OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
