i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
