I'm going to jail i love you
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
