No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize