My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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