good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
