The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
