suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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