I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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