I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sext me about skeletons
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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