she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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