Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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