You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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