It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
