he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
