btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
