So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize