Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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