That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
