Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize