honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we're making bets on your personal life
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
