So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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