If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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