But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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