yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
