hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
