If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
