o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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