This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're too hungover to prance.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
