Whod you bang
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
