So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
