nut hugger
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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