you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
