we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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