Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
