My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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