how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
