Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
