dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
