I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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