I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
