Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize