Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
