I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
