so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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